Insecurities

Many of the recent drafts I made for this blog are jam-packed with feelings. Mostly of anxiety, worry, sudden panic with the  standard “what am I doing with myself”.

bird

I have had a LOT of those feelings over the past few months. I’m pretty sure I have 7 drafts just on feelings. So I am sharing some of these, because most of my readers are around my age (and are also my friends lol), and also because:

YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I AM PROBABLY JUST AS LOST AS YOU ARE, IF NOT MORE LOST.

lost

So we can be lost together along with the power of friendship.

For a little while now, when I think I found a light, I find out the tunnel is closed.

smash
I know adapting is always better than anticipating because … you can’t really anticipate anything anyway. I suppose this feeling of uneasiness and uncertainty is all a part of life.

When I met up with some of my high school friends a couple years back one of them commented how everyone had changed so much, but I was still the same, just older/more mature.

me

Rubbish.Being older and more mature already sounds like change to me. I know that I am definitely not the same person as I was in high school…and who wants to be the same from high school anyway. I mean look at that mess.

Sure I have qualities that are similar to my old self, but I am also very different from my high school self, or my university self, even myself from yesterday and I will continue to evolve for as long as I am breathing, hopefully for the better.

Sometimes I wish I could just fast forward to the years where none of these decisions will matter anymore. Maybe then, something like this would be happening:

ahma

Just kidding I would be the kind of grandma who would take my grandkid on my Vespa and ride across the rolling hills of Italy. Maybe. I don’t know. Something to laugh at when I’m older.

vespa

 

I might not have grandkids. I would first need to have kids in order to have grandkids. No where close to that stage in life yet and it may not even happen to me lolololol.

Oh my god, of all the songs to come next on my playlist, it’s “I Feel the Earth Move”.NOPE. SKY. YOU ARE NOT TUMBLING DOWN TODAY. 

Check out my facebook for goodies and updates on all of my weird.

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2 thoughts on “Insecurities

  1. Totally on board with you on this yo! I feel the same way, especially when all my friends are getting married, having kids, buying their first houses, etc. I’m still deciding what’s for dinner the day of, give up and resort to never leaving my bed after work, lol!

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