Insecurities

Many of the recent drafts I made for this blog are jam-packed with feelings. Mostly of anxiety, worry, sudden panic with the  standard “what am I doing with myself”.

bird

I have had a LOT of those feelings over the past few months. I’m pretty sure I have 7 drafts just on feelings. So I am sharing some of these, because most of my readers are around my age (and are also my friends lol), and also because:

YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I AM PROBABLY JUST AS LOST AS YOU ARE, IF NOT MORE LOST.

lost

So we can be lost together along with the power of friendship.

For a little while now, when I think I found a light, I find out the tunnel is closed.

smash
I know adapting is always better than anticipating because … you can’t really anticipate anything anyway. I suppose this feeling of uneasiness and uncertainty is all a part of life.

When I met up with some of my high school friends a couple years back one of them commented how everyone had changed so much, but I was still the same, just older/more mature.

me

Rubbish.Being older and more mature already sounds like change to me. I know that I am definitely not the same person as I was in high school…and who wants to be the same from high school anyway. I mean look at that mess.

Sure I have qualities that are similar to my old self, but I am also very different from my high school self, or my university self, even myself from yesterday and I will continue to evolve for as long as I am breathing, hopefully for the better.

Sometimes I wish I could just fast forward to the years where none of these decisions will matter anymore. Maybe then, something like this would be happening:

ahma

Just kidding I would be the kind of grandma who would take my grandkid on my Vespa and ride across the rolling hills of Italy. Maybe. I don’t know. Something to laugh at when I’m older.

vespa

 

I might not have grandkids. I would first need to have kids in order to have grandkids. No where close to that stage in life yet and it may not even happen to me lolololol.

Oh my god, of all the songs to come next on my playlist, it’s “I Feel the Earth Move”.NOPE. SKY. YOU ARE NOT TUMBLING DOWN TODAY. 

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Moms

Can you imagine the immense pain felt by a mother elephant delivering her baby elephant.(Watch here) And then after she delivers her baby she’s like, YO. BABY. MOVE.

elephant

So many baby animals are actually able to walk right after they are born and do so many things adult animals can do…  but human babies? Nope, they can’t do anything.

baby

Human babies are useless creatures.The moment they enter the world they cry and wail and they don’t stop.

They use their baby charms to make you think they are cute and cuddly.But do not be fooled by their adorableness. All babies do is eat, poop, and cry.

They can cause headache and heartbreak are your responsibility for the next 18 years.

Then there are the toddler years where kids just try to eat everything.

noooo

The overly dramatic childhood years.

nofren

Not to mention the teenage years filled with emotion and angst.

punk

skater

brony

Teenagers are very crazy, I know because I was one of them.

crazy

And mothers have to put up with all of it, and still love their kids to bits.

grad

Moms are the greatest.

 

breastfeed

breastfeed2

breastfeed3

 

Happy Mother’s Day.

love

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Drawing from Life Stories: Ronnie

Penang is full of colonial buildings and ever since the UNESCO World Heritage Site listing, boutique establishments have been popping up like mushrooms after the rain.

heritage_house

 

I’ve been going around the old Georgetown area to draw buildings since high school, you know, before it was cool. *hipster moment*then

Actually, it was pretty cool already, but after the listing things went into overdrive and everyone started doing it.

now

One of the first buildings I ever drew was St George’s Church in Farquhar Street mainly because parking was convenient, and there was always shade. Shade is very important especially in this corner of the world.

I went there to paint on Sundays. Obviously since it was a church, there was Sunday service.

I met a little boy named Ronnie who was about 9. He was a curious kid, and would drop by and watch me after church.ronnie

He has a younger sister and brother who tag along wherever he goes.

I learned that he lived with his grandparents in the kopitiam (Chinese style coffee shop for you non-South East Asian folks) across the church. I don’t really know much else about him, but he seemed like a good kid with very heavy responsibilities for his age.

Ronnie was very well behaved. He looked after his younger siblings and dressed them in awesome clothes.

drawing

Ronnie is probably in high school by now. I hope he and his siblings are doing well.

highschool

RONNIE. YOU GO RONNIE.

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