Insecurities

Many of the recent drafts I made for this blog are jam-packed with feelings. Mostly of anxiety, worry, sudden panic with the  standard “what am I doing with myself”.

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I have had a LOT of those feelings over the past few months. I’m pretty sure I have 7 drafts just on feelings. So I am sharing some of these, because most of my readers are around my age (and are also my friends lol), and also because:

YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I AM PROBABLY JUST AS LOST AS YOU ARE, IF NOT MORE LOST.

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So we can be lost together along with the power of friendship.

For a little while now, when I think I found a light, I find out the tunnel is closed.

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I know adapting is always better than anticipating because … you can’t really anticipate anything anyway. I suppose this feeling of uneasiness and uncertainty is all a part of life.

When I met up with some of my high school friends a couple years back one of them commented how everyone had changed so much, but I was still the same, just older/more mature.

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Rubbish.Being older and more mature already sounds like change to me. I know that I am definitely not the same person as I was in high school…and who wants to be the same from high school anyway. I mean look at that mess.

Sure I have qualities that are similar to my old self, but I am also very different from my high school self, or my university self, even myself from yesterday and I will continue to evolve for as long as I am breathing, hopefully for the better.

Sometimes I wish I could just fast forward to the years where none of these decisions will matter anymore. Maybe then, something like this would be happening:

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Just kidding I would be the kind of grandma who would take my grandkid on my Vespa and ride across the rolling hills of Italy. Maybe. I don’t know. Something to laugh at when I’m older.

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I might not have grandkids. I would first need to have kids in order to have grandkids. No where close to that stage in life yet and it may not even happen to me lolololol.

Oh my god, of all the songs to come next on my playlist, it’s “I Feel the Earth Move”.NOPE. SKY. YOU ARE NOT TUMBLING DOWN TODAY. 

Check out my facebook for goodies and updates on all of my weird.

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Graduation

It’s GRAD season. My convocation came and went. According to friends who saw me walk across the stage, I looked super confused from start to finish. Like I wandered into the wrong hall and somehow managed to find a gown, and then started shaking hands with all these people in funny robes and couldn’t understand why.

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Then the chair of design studies says congrats to me and for a few seconds I forgot who he was as well. I don’t see him very often you see.

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The speeches were pretty standard. “You guys have bright futures ahead of you and other things”. I think I could have been the only one who was actually listening to them.

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I was talking to some people about how valuable a university education really is. Being in the same program as I was, we have similar qualifications, but our experiences with school were extremely different.

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I feel like I did not go to the same school my friends went to because I definitely do not feel like I know everything.

If anything, university taught me how much I don’t know. But I did get pretty good at finding stuff out.

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Which got me thinking about something. You know this chart, the one where everybody expects your life achievements to go in a certain order:

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And then they conveniently forget to tell you that almost no one’s life happens in that order, because everyone’s life is different.

I propose a more realistic chart:

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OK, maybe not 100% realistic, but you know what I mean. You can’t plan life 100% because it can suddenly throw a curve ball at you, and then you have to figure out a way to adapt.

Opportunities are different for everyone. I have some friends who found work immediately after school (or during school), some of them went back to school to pursue something totally different. Others went to grad school and some others are still looking for jobs.

Your life was different from everyone else’s from the get-go anyway, what makes you think it’ll be the same as everyone else after school.

So for those of you who don’t like to listen to other people talk, maybe pictures might be more fun to look at:

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Congrats to everyone graduating! And to those who aren’t, YOU WILL BE OKAY, TOO.

I did a quick doodle on my Facebook page about me… tossing my hat. Which you should like! If you haven’t already. 🙂

 

Moms

Can you imagine the immense pain felt by a mother elephant delivering her baby elephant.(Watch here) And then after she delivers her baby she’s like, YO. BABY. MOVE.

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So many baby animals are actually able to walk right after they are born and do so many things adult animals can do…  but human babies? Nope, they can’t do anything.

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Human babies are useless creatures.The moment they enter the world they cry and wail and they don’t stop.

They use their baby charms to make you think they are cute and cuddly.But do not be fooled by their adorableness. All babies do is eat, poop, and cry.

They can cause headache and heartbreak are your responsibility for the next 18 years.

Then there are the toddler years where kids just try to eat everything.

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The overly dramatic childhood years.

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Not to mention the teenage years filled with emotion and angst.

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Teenagers are very crazy, I know because I was one of them.

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And mothers have to put up with all of it, and still love their kids to bits.

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Moms are the greatest.

 

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Happy Mother’s Day.

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If you like this, please like my page on facebook! And please share this with you mom! Or a motherly figure, or anyone you care about really. Share this with your dad, break some rules.

 

Drawing from Life Stories: Ronnie

Penang is full of colonial buildings and ever since the UNESCO World Heritage Site listing, boutique establishments have been popping up like mushrooms after the rain.

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I’ve been going around the old Georgetown area to draw buildings since high school, you know, before it was cool. *hipster moment*then

Actually, it was pretty cool already, but after the listing things went into overdrive and everyone started doing it.

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One of the first buildings I ever drew was St George’s Church in Farquhar Street mainly because parking was convenient, and there was always shade. Shade is very important especially in this corner of the world.

I went there to paint on Sundays. Obviously since it was a church, there was Sunday service.

I met a little boy named Ronnie who was about 9. He was a curious kid, and would drop by and watch me after church.ronnie

He has a younger sister and brother who tag along wherever he goes.

I learned that he lived with his grandparents in the kopitiam (Chinese style coffee shop for you non-South East Asian folks) across the church. I don’t really know much else about him, but he seemed like a good kid with very heavy responsibilities for his age.

Ronnie was very well behaved. He looked after his younger siblings and dressed them in awesome clothes.

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Ronnie is probably in high school by now. I hope he and his siblings are doing well.

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RONNIE. YOU GO RONNIE.

If you like this you should check me out on the book face. I mean facebook.

Morph!

I am on a journey to discover my “illustration style”…  Other folks can probably see it better than I can but I have an idea though, that it is something to do with painting and making things cute… I make everything look cute. I am slowly beginning to accept my inner kawaii.

I have illustrated a mini book that was inspired by an essay I wrote about mythology and shapeshifting. I really admire those who can rock poiesis beautifully , like Maya Lin and her Vietnam War Memorial. Previously I thought people who are masters of the poetic object were people who had a lot of feelings… but the opposite seems more likely, because they are calmer and more in control of their feelings they are able to express them more poetically.

This is my attempt to be poetic, kind of like… metamorphosis for kids. I like Kafka.

So here are some sketches! I have several pages, but I’m just showing the more interesting ones (I write down remind me to do things, like watch Rick Mercer Talks to Americans on YouTube)

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I was listening to a lot of Galileo Galilei at the time, and I was having designer’s block, so I put on their album Baby, It’s Cold Outside and doodled.

時計塔 was my favourite song of the album, along with 夢に唄えば

lol idk why am I telling you this but I listen to a lot of Japanese music.

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Figuring out the images and the flow of the pages. Lol I wrote Journey to the West, I think I might do book covers for those classic Chinese books, all the covers I’ve seen are pretty bad.

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Cliones! Originally I wanted to draw everything in ink…

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And then I realized it looked kind of weird.

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So my book is called Morph! Which is kind of a modern metamorphosis fairy tale.

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I just really wanted to show off the fact that I cut out the word “Morph” 8)

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The evolution of the clione image above. I kinda grew attached to this kid after I drew him so much, I named him Rory.

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Rory is playing cards with a fox

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Rory is not afraid of the eel-man.

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Rory befriends this strange bird.

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Rory is comforted the Bird King.

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Rory turns into a bug.

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Rory is actually a spider.

I’m thinking of doing a Morph 2… applying lessons I learned making this book. It was really fun, making the book I mean.

Also I’ve been trying to find a regular update day that I will be able to fit into my schedule. After playing around, from the next post on, my update day is either Wednesday or Sunday (Mountain Time Zone). So unless I have something scheduled, I will try my update every week on either Wednesdays or Sundays. Since it’s technically Saturday now… I will see you next Wednesday or Sunday!

I also started a Ask Me Anything page. I will try my best to get back to whatever questions as soon as I can. Or you can comment too lol.

The Great Room Cleanup

The other day I had this strange philosophical moment. I had a thought, a cluttered room is a cluttered mind. Haha, I don’t know why all of a sudden this came to my head,  not sure if distracted… or genuinely want to clear out the space, but regardless, I decided to do a major cleanup of my cave.

While I was cleaning my place, I stumbled across a bunch of random things that were quite delightful. I’ve done the bathroom and kitchen, and have progressed to the bedroom… part 1. So far I have found:

  1.  Random piece of hot pressed watercolour paper.
  2.  1 Free cookie coupon from Cookies by George
  3.  Hand sanitizer.

TREASURE HUNNTTTT.

I also came across some old sketchbooks from last year when I was really into buildings and stuff, (I drew a bunch of buildings in the inner Georgetown heritage sites and made friends with cats) and also some drawings I made while I was on vacation in Bali, Indonesia.

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Tanah Lot! It’s a really pretty place. People flock here to be a tourist, watch the sun rise/set. You know, standard tourist things.

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Some lady on Jimbaran Beach, also in Bali.

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Me… drawing limau kasturi and some flowers. I do not recall where the plants came from. Tropical plants right? They just sprout up all over the place.

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A block of pre-war houses on Armenian Street, Penang. It was over here that I made friends with a calico cat.

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Cheah Kongsi inner courtyard. I sat here to hide from the sun… Penang humidity levels are pretty intense.

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Nagore Shrine. I really enjoyed drawing this one. I got to drink ginger milk tea.

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The view of some houses from St George’s Church, also Penang.

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Some ah pek having his lunch in a coffee shop.

After I stopped working, I also did some paintings of a coffee shop on Stewart Lane as well as the infamous Lorong Selamat Char Koay Teow auntie.

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Stewart Lane! I think the pigeons are the best part of the painting.

I sold this painting at Tesoro. *v* THANK YOU PERSON WHO BOUGHT THIS. Even though I didn’t really get any money out of it , but at least I was able to sell for a good price. All proceeds were donated to our Grad Show fund!

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Lorong Selamat!

For those who are new to the Penang street food scene, Char Koay Teow is a kind of fried flat rice noodle dish which is really popular here, Lorong Selamat (literally means… Selamat Lane) is where of the most famous CKT stalls are. The old lady who makes this is quite notorious for… her temper, she has gotten onto Internet flame wars before, lol. but dayuuummm she makes a fine CKT. *v*

I also got chased out of her shop because there were customers from Singapore coming over and I was “taking up space” by sitting there and drawing her. Even though I bought her crazy expensive char koay teow every time I visited.

That’s it for now! I might find more gems as I continue on my room cleaning adventures.